Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
