Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
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