At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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