Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
