yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize