hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
