If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
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