I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
