it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
