remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
