If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
