I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
