How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
