no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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