I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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