I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
