he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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