I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
