i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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