I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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