pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
