Church boner. Awkwardddd
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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