the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
