i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
