Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
