Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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