i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
