Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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