the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
