walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
