i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
