i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
