What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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