I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
