So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize