Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
