why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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