I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
