3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
