I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
