I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize