You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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