When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
