K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
