youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
