You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize