Just cropdusted the office
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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