Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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