My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
