Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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