Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
