Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
