he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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