And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
