I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
