i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
