the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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