I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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