I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
