I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think my moral compass just broke
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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