I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she woke up with a sticky ear
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
