I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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