I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
