you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
