Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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