Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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