she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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